It’s time for an effing rant! %$&#*& &*%$!!!
Dear Gym Goers.
There are a lot you. I think some of you are really cool. You have nice muscles, wear cute outfits, care enough to show up in the gym with some regularity, etc. We seem to have a lot in common. Some of you are legends. And some of you are ***theads.
Don’t be a ***thead.
If you are new to the gym scene then you have some time to figure ***t out, but let me put you on the fast track. There are certain things you do and do not do in the ****ing gym. It’s called gym etiquette and it’s really about respect and sharing a space. If you don’t know then you don’t know, but allow me draw you a massive effing picture.
A gym has written and unwritten rules. I didn’t make these up. I know from years in the gym. I know them and many, many other do too. I think it’s time you learned them as well.
The 7 deadly gym sins In no particular order:
- Put your ****ing weights away. Seriously, you lazy mother —-. You are literally at a gym to exercise and train your body and your lazy ass can’t put your weights back? Don’t ever be this person. Like ever! If you use dumbbells, put them back on the ****ing rack. If you put plates on the barbell, take that s**t off when you’re done. It’s lazy AF and rude AF. I’ve had to help 100-pound ladies take 300 pounds of weight off the bar because you lazy asses think you can load a bar but can’t clean up. Not to mention, we have no idea if someone is working in that area still because the place is a mess. I have to ask people more often than I don’t if someone is on a squat rack because it’s set up as if someone is. Clean your s**t up so we don’t have to and we don’t need to ask if someone is using it … we will already know because it’s the way you found it, clean and organized, you ***thead. If this is you, guaranteed your house is gross, you chew with your mouth open, leave the toilet seat up and never change your sheets.
- No one cares about your phone conversation. Do not talk on the phone on the gym floor at a public gym. If you are in a public gym, this is rude AF. Literally, I hate this. I can blast my headphones and even your mumbling that breaks through my blaring music is nails on a chalkboard. No one wants to hear your one-way convo with Clarissa or Kevin about stocks, your job, your evil aunt Agatha or anything else. If you need to take a call, make it quick or step out somewhere. It’s just rude.
- Don’t wear flip flops. Look, you can, but it’s likely not allowed because of liability reasons, and you look like such a noob. How good of a workout are you going to have lifting weights in flops? Come on, bro.
- Don’t offer advice to anyone unless you think they are about to get hurt. If you see someone working out and they look like they have no clue what they are doing, let it go. Unless they ask you for help, don’t say s**t. Why? Because they didn’t ask you. They may or may not want your advice, so unless they are doing something really wrong then just let them figure it out. I’ve had people in the past say stuff to my client while we were in a session. The person had good intentions but their advice was trash. It’s like they read a Women’s Health article that morning and thought they knew the right movement for everyone. It’s awkward during and after and your advice may or may not be correct.
- Share the space. I have no idea how big your gym is and I don’t ****ing care. If you are in a public gym and workout in the same space as others — share it. Just this week I saw one kid using three benches in front of the dumbbell rack. Why? Just use one and be considerate of the four other people around you, bro. Countless times I have seen people working out on three or more machines at once. They go from bench press, all the way across the gym to some ab stuff, over to the leg press, take a break and come back to the bench press. Then they get mad if someone is on the bench when they return eight minutes later. Look ***thead, this isn’t your ****ing gym. We all pay a membership and we all have to use the same equipment. Either cut your ridiculously lame circuit in half or let people work in with you. Time is the most important part of our day and life. Don’t waste someone else’s because you are an inconsiderate ***hole.
- Wipe down your messy equipment. If you use any weight machine or cardio machine and have sweated all over it, clean that s**t up! I don’t care if the gym has a cleaning staff. You made a nasty mess with your bodily fluids all over public equipment — I think your lazy a** can grab some wipes that the gym supplies for you and clean that crap up. Once again, you’re at a gym working on yourself and your appearance. Don’t be so lazy about cleaning up after yourself. You think the person that follows you on that equipment wants to clean your s**t up? ***k no.
- When in doubt, just ask. This doesn’t happen as much as the previous six but it happens often enough to earn a mention. If you need to use a machine or barbell area and no one is on it but people are near it, just ask to be sure it’s free to use. This is the right and polite thing to do and if you are a seasoned gym goer then you do this. You never know if the person is about to use it or what they are using it for. Most of the time people are considerate enough to ask, but sometimes they are just plain airheads. I had a kid come up and try and take a curl bar I was using that was racked right next to me. I had to stop him and tell him I was using it. I had another guy set up his deadlifting area two feet away from my bench press setup that was loaded with weight and had my phone, my towel and my keys next to the bench. I walked away to drink from the water fountain and came back to it. Be observant and ask the people around you if you are in doubt.
Now that you know how to not be a ***thead in the gym, go out there and crush it. Be respectful, be a badass and make great progress. If you do any of the 7 deadly gym sins then you have regressed back to being a ***thead.
Until the next rant!
Love you.
